Change Your Thoughts... - Verse 4

This verse talks about abundance, in whatever form.  It encourages you to let go of the idea of lack and accept that whatever you need is there or on its way.  As I'm reading this I think back to the last verse and my musings on it.  While reading I'm thinking of the car I want - a brand new Chevy Equinox - and I wonder at how I will be able to afford it.  But as this reading says, as The Secret says, I need to think of it on it's way.  I don't need to concern myself with how I'll get it, just know that I will.  I decided that I will write it down in a positive sort of sense and read it often.  Acting and visualizing as if I already have it.  In fact I will visualize myself having all of the things I want.

The reading also says to observe things and at times just be and notice rather than reacting or responding.  It was noted to me years back that if people only spoke when it was truly relevant as an exchange of information we would all speak much less.  I have to agree, while polite conversation is all well and good, much of it is merely a formality or for no particular productive reason (eg just to share or catch up with someone).

The ending quote I really like:

Wisdom is knowing I am nothing,

love is knowing I am everything,

and between the two my life moves.

* * * 

Reflecting...8/14/11

This verse after thinking about it reminds me that the energy that is the Tao is everywhere and in everything.  Since we're all made up of us this energy there is plenty of it to go around so there is no need to view yourself as ever lacking anything for the energy is just there waiting to manifest!



...contemplate yourself being surrounded by the conditions you wish to produce...

Change Your Thoughts... - Verse 3

The very first thought I have about this is thus: "if someone comes to you and says they like/desire what you have - give it to them".  I know I have heard this somewhere but I cannot place it.  Perhaps the Bible.  While on one hand you could say this is setting yourself up, it's not the material aspect that is important.  Things that are of true worth to a person (respect, love, etc) cannot be given away.  Material things can, and as we take nothing with us when we die it could be said that short of the item being useful it's of little or no consequence.  Everything is worth only the value we place on it.  This also goes without saying to less tangible things like relationships or titles.  If it is important to you (like with me) to be married, then its important.  But the reality is that it just is in the grand scheme of things.  On one hand there is nothing wrong with placing importance in things, so long as that feeling does not rule you.
Part of my dilemma with this verse is that I wonder if I should want anything at all.  That if desiring to accomplish things is a "bad" thing and something I should just not do.  I really balk at that idea because I like feeling accomplished in those ways.  Perhaps lessening the driving need, realizing that if it doesn't get done it doesn't get done and yet it's not the end of the world and it will only matter as much as I allow it to.  Continuing to read I believe I see part of the answer - that some desires basically cause stress and those you don't need.  Rather than striving constantly for more - appreciate what you have first.  It's not to say you can't have something else but don't do what is common to people and not appreciate what is there in lieu of having "better".
* * *
Reflecting...8/9/11
Because I don't have any money present truly reflecting on this in a physical sense is a little difficult but I have been thinking about it.  Since I haven't been working I haven't been able to provide anything for myself - from basic necessities to just plain wants I've had to go without.  I generally consider myself a fairly frugal person, preferring to keep hold of my money as long as I can but when I started as an exotic dancer I know I developed some very poor spending habits.  The immediate gratification of being paid in tips got to me and I kept rationalizing while spending money that I would just make it back tomorrow so it was fine to spend it today.  The truth is that that isn't quite how it works  I easily will not see it for days or weeks depending on how much it was and what else was going on.  But I never really thought about that at the time.  I just told myself I would and went about my way.  Now sure if I was using this to think from the end it would have been worthwhile but I was really just making an excuse to spend the money right then.
Over the last few days though I've been thinking about some things that I want as soon as I have money.  Many of them aren't necessary wants but needs...like a new bra (several rather), some random things for the baby, and other larger things (like a car and my cell phone).  Some are readily attainable, they'll be had within a paycheck or two, while others are a bit less easily attained (like the car).
So even though I am not really want to just go off and buy something just because I want it I have been thinking about the things that I see that I do want.  Questioning whether I need it right now, if it's really worth the time and trouble it will take me to get it, and if I will get if I will use it enough to justify the purchase.
...contemplate yourself being surrounded by the conditions you wish to produce...

Change Your Thoughts... - Verse 2

Just reading through the verse I have a lot to say.  I believe the last two lines strike me the most - "When the work is done, it is forgotten./That is why it lasts forever."  This goes along to me with trying too hard and it causing one to fail.  Putting yourself out there in desperation makes you seem desperate which isn't usually an attractive quality.  It bespeaks of doing the right or the best you can and letting it be.  Rather than attaching to the outcome and blocking any manifestation with worry, doubt, or guilt you just do and move on.  It makes the doing more natural (after awhile) I think.

I definitely can see the paradox and co-existence.  A thing is only defined as what it is because there is something else that is not that thing, there is something else that is opposite that thing.  One end of the see saw cannot exist without the other, otherwise it wouldn't be a see saw.

It touched on what I said earlier, about detaching from the outcome...."effortless action without attachment to outcome".  I try so hard for things to be a certain way rather than relishing just how they are.  One could do everything to make something happen and it still not happen.

Dyer's advice for application is to note the opportunity to defend yourself and choosing not to.  That's definitely going to be a task for me.  I almost always feel the compulsion to justify what I am doing or how I think.  I believe I do this to validate my worth.

I have to laugh a bit because this will be a hard thing for me to do.  I had another thought - that of my issues and jealousy of Christy when it comes to my significant other.  I can't help (it seems) but get upset and irritated anytime she comes to mind or is mentioned.  I focus so much on how much I hate or despise her that I don't pay attention to my other and what he is doing for me, how he is showing his regard for me.  Food for thought...I know in the end this makes him feel unappreciated.  I just want him to want and love me - he says he does and that I wouldn't be here if he didn't, but it's so hard to believe.

* * *

Reflecting...8/7/11

At first I wasn't sure I'd have much to say after reflecting, but I had an argument with my other half the other day and in the course of the conversation he bade me explain myself and my reasoning.  I honestly struggled to do so because part of my concerns were of a subjective nature.  It's not to say that they were or weren't valid but they were based primarily in how I felt in relation to someone's actions, rather than the actions being directly what I felt.  (Eg. I felt like I was being criticized, regardless of whether that person meant it or not.)  I realize the folly of this, for even if I could site a specific example, it was still my feeling rather than a literal thing.  And then of course accounting for differences in opinions and points of view he still could have said well that's not what I think.  So it's a moot point really.

The desire to be understood by me is very great though and I think I will have to actively work on it.  Perhaps when someone asks me to explain myself I should first ask the question: Why?  And then consider what purpose my explanation will serve, if it's altogether necessary, and if after all of that it will even be understood.  I'm not sure why I have such a strong desire to be understood, but I do and it can become problematical when I fail at being so...

Going and reading another version of this verse, it's labeled as "Relativity".  At first glance I didn't see the relevance but after reading it dawned on me.  Everything is relative to everything around it, and at the very least relative to what it is not...


...contemplate yourself being surrounded by the conditions you wish to produce...

Change Your Thoughts... - Verse 1

I've got to say that just reading the verse I don't really have any thoughts.  It seems more than a bit beyond me and extremely paradoxical.  Dyer agrees and urges one to be able to move away from the typical Western thought that things must be this or that.  I can embrace it to a point as I view my deities much in the same way - as both creators and destroyers, both terrible and benign.  For all faces of the goddess are merely facets of The Goddess, as with The God.

The Tao is the macrocosm within the microcosm, but the defining of it in any way negates it for it limits it.  There is something to be said for "letting divinity" take over and it's something I know I struggle with.  I have a need and desire to control, a wish to make things happen and in doing so and trying so hard many times I overdo it and therefore block my own manifestation.

I think of Nike's slogan - "Just do it".  It reminds of what I just read, about the difference between desiring and allowing.  That when you desire it begins to let the allowing take place.  The difference between wanting to go to sleep and going to sleep strikes me.  The trying almost negates the doing.

I'm proud to say, as I get to the section of advising on how to take the advice of the first verse in context of modern living, that I do generally allow myself to experience the mystery of life.  While I can be insatiable in my questioning and desiring to know more information there are a number of things that I do not question but rather merely experience them as they are.  He mentions allowing relationships to just be rather than trying so hard to make them work.  I see merit in this but also have cautious thoughts about it.  One shouldn't try too hard to make something work - as it ought to work on it's own, but in order to do even that one must have an appreciation for what they have and be present in the now about it.  If you go on wishing things would be a certain way all the time you will watch your life pass you by and miss out on what you do have.

Then there is the whole concept of releasing the need to name and label and categorize everything.  I oscillate between this need and not.  While realistically my religious practices can't be solidly predefined, there is no one word that describes what I do to everyone, there are definite parts to it that may be labelled in some way.  I know that it's partially habit that we seek to name things and then I think of the concept of status.  We all strive to "be" something/one to others and ourselves.  Beyond our given names we call ourselves many things, from jobs, to talents, to our relations with others...I am an artist, I am funny, I am a sister.  And while all these things may easily be true, not one is the whole of who we are.  When we label ourselves we negate ourselves...

Finally the advice for the reading is to note a time when someone irritates you - and I immediately think of our roommates/landlord - and to just allow the feeling to be, as well as letting it go.  Letting this person be as they are, releasing your wish for them to be elsewhere or do elsewise.  To note where the feeling of irritation physically manifests and just flow with it.

* * *

Reflecting after a few days...8/3/2011

I re-read the verse as given by Dyer but I can't say that it makes more sense to me now.  I then read another version that named this verse "Transcendence".  That makes it make a bit more sense.  It seems to be urging you to move beyond certain habits to a higher place, to a place closer to the Tao itself.

Reading back over what I wrote in my original response I note that I mentioned having a problem with control.  Thinking to just now when I had to let my little boy go to see his paternal grandmother I definitely can attest to it.  I had a long list of don't do this and don't do that, and this is what you need to do.  Honestly I don't think any of it was unreasonable, it was all based on his habits, temperament, and schedule and if you're not around him you wouldn't know how he is.  But to anyone else I'm sure I appear overprotective and controlling.

I see that part of my issue with control is trust.  I do not trust that anyone can or will do anything as "right" as me.  That no one else is capable of doing the job.  This is far from the case though as there are many who do a number of thing and it's easy for several to do something well.  It's not like I am the only good mother, just like there is not just one "bad" mother.  But the other part of it is a desire for things to be done my way.  I don't want her making choices for him in his care, I don't feel it's her right to do so.  I suppose that's part of being a parent.  And it's really not even that I don't want any advice as I ask for it all the time, at the very least I ask about the experiences of others.

I read what I said originally about "making relationships work".  When I wrote that I was thinking about my romantic relationship with my other half.  But applying it to my relationship with my MiL there will be some work needed.  Work for her to back off and give me space, work for me to be more tolerant to her.  Honestly it isn't my place to dictate to her how she does things, I don't have to concern myself with her or her life one way or another.  Having it involve my child makes it sticky however.  In one visit at this age she can't possibly do any damage, but it's not right now I'm concerned about.  I worry about how he will deal in the future, that she'll get used to "having her way" and start making decisions rather than consulting me later.

Reviewing the advice, thinking about someone who irritates you I immediately think of my MiL.  Her presence in my life irritates me.  Her insistence to be right all the time, to give advice where I don't want it.  In short the fact that she's not like me and doesn't hold the same respect that I do or that I expect.  But she's not me (and I really wouldn't want her to be) and to expect her to think like me, to do as I would do or as I would want is ridiculous.  I need to live and let live.  If she wants to be as she is and it causes me or others to distance themselves from her that's her right and her choice.  I can choose to not pay her any mind and to not take anything personal.  To see her just as she is - a separate person who has no more importance to me than I allow her to have.


...contemplate yourself being surrounded by the conditions you wish to produce...

Change Your Thoughts... - Preface

The preface starts off with a quote that I think couldn't capture it better:

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."

George Bernard Shaw

This quote is so important because I think it really sums it up, and naturally that likely figures into part of why he chose it.  But the point rings true.  If you believe you will also screw up then you will.  You will create endless circumstances for failure and even when something good happens you will refuse to see it and thereby sully it.

As I continue to read on Dyer mentions the paradoxical nature of the advice given in the Tao Te Ching.  This part really strikes me because it hits him with my situation.  It urges that when you feel the need to do something that you should in fact do the opposite...

"One of the many gifts of the Tao Te Ching is its mind-stretching quality, especially in the way that Lao-tzu uses irony and paradox to get you to look at life.  If you think that being forceful is the appropriate response, Lao-tzu urges you to see the value in being humble.  If action seems called for, he asks you to consider nonaction.  If you feel that grasping will help you acquire what you need or want, he counsels you to let go and be patient."


I can't say that I think that the reversal of one's thoughts on the appropriate action is always appropriate - afterall people are often told to follow their instincts, that initial "gut-reaction".  So perhaps looking at this advice as referring to that which you may be overdoing or is the result of over thinking, then it seems to ring more wholly true.  But other than that I think that it does have a lot of merit.  I often find myself, especially in my current situation, wanting to push things in some way too much.  The bottom line with me is that I am impatient for some kind of answer, be it a verbal one or a physical one.  I just don't want to wait.  But really rushing things has no good purpose and deadlines really are something imposed mostly on us by the social standing rather than true necessity.  (With the exception of certain instances if something isn't done by a certain time it won't be the end of the world or even a big deal.)  There is definitely something to be said for slowing down and one could say that that is part of the purpose of illness in some cases - to slow you down and catch you attention to something you've been ignoring.  This thought leads me to desire to share this thought with my healing center's blog which I believe I will do shortly before I continue reading.  Life isn't about getting to the end, but relishing the journey.  It's about the moment, the now as that is all that is promised to us anyway...

Upon finishing the preface I almost am ready to dive into the reading of the first verse, however I have decided that at least for now I will take a break from it and do something else - after all it is my intent to be getting through my to do list while I have free time with little one asleep.


...contemplate yourself being surrounded by the conditions you wish to produce...

Coming & Getting Back...

I know I started this blog sometime ago and with good intentions.  As with so many things I got distracted and forgot and stopped putting time into it at all.  I find myself reflecting on the turmoil of my life and the need and desire for positive change to finally occur.  I'm tired of just "being" and existing day to day and I know that without resolute action I will thusly continue.  But change is work and it can be difficult to release the past and old habits, even when we see them for what they are - holding us back.  We make excuses for them and cling to them like they are old friends when really they are betrayers of our dignity and self-worth and ultimately damaging to us and our greater good.

I'm starting Wayne Dyer's Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life today but also will alternate reading his book Excuses Begone! as well.  I intend on having at least one entry / chapter or major section and for those that are long having longer posts.  I intend on reading from at least one if not both every day.



...contemplate yourself being surrounded by the conditions you wish to produce...

Excuses Begone - Chapter 1

Immediately after finishing the Introduction you turn the page and see:  "Don't believe everything you think!"  I can attest to the truth of this statement with the existence of outmoded thinking.  Sometimes these beliefs serve us but rarely forever, and many times a belief is meant to serve us by keeping us safe but really it's keeping us in fear's grip so while the intentions are well met the outcome isn't really that desirable!

The first part of the text is entitled:  "Identifying and Removing Habitual Thinking".  The last time that I started this book I got through this part mostly, so I know it's good.  Now I wonder if I can identify more or other thinking that is causing issues!  I love the quote by Lao-tzu shared and will relate it here:

Every human being's essential nature is perfect and faultless, but after years of immersion in the world we easily forget our root and take on a counterfeit nature.

Yes, you can change old habits...


Another quote to share:  "An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie..."  Alexander Pope

Really could it get any more succinct than that?  I'll have to say that this also is all too true and I recall now why I love listening to and reading Dyer's words.  For regardless of how they come to him they are related eloquently and to the point hitting right at the heart of what he's trying to get across to you.  While I won't say he uses flowery language the quotes and specific phrasing he uses to make his meaning clear also wonderfully express his thoughts while also causing you to think!

Removing "old habits die hard" from my phraseology sounds like a really good idea as all this does is make things harder on me.  And as I like to say so poignantly, "Things are never as hard as you make them."  or "Things are only as hard (or easy) as you make them."  Meaning if you think it will be next to impossible - it will be.

To read his words gives me hope as today (and in the most recent times) I have been struggling a lot.  While I know there are excuses laced within my struggling many of them are so insidiously ingrained in my personality and mannerisms that I have a hard time even recognizing when I am using on of them.  They, as with many adults, have become second nature - as automatic as breathing.  So when you reflect on them you know you've breathed (used an excuse) but often times you are not aware of the fact when it's happening.  This also brings up another point.  Awareness of a problem makes it infinitely more manageable!  It's hard to change something you can't "see"!

I noticed as I was reading in the top margin I had written a quote I had heard Dyer (or someone else) say:

Do you live in a hostile or friendly environment?  Albert Einstein

To me this is an ultra important question.  It hearkens back to my statement earlier that "things are only as hard (or easy) as you make them..."  The premise behind it is that if you expect things will be a certain way that's just the way they will be.  You will even seek such circumstances out to "prove" your theory!  And when you search that diligently for negative outcomes and circumstances you will never cease to be disappointed!  It also brings to bear a realization that I am making my life so much harder, with negative thinking and expectations, than it needs to be.  That I am expecting that nothing will work out or that I have to struggle for everything...

I've come to the portion in the chapter where Dyer admits to two separate examples of memes in his life.  Having shared his experiences he poses the question:  Do I really want to hold on to these habitual behaviors that are ultimately capable of making me sick?  While the obvious answer to this question seems to be no, we so often choose otherwise, by use of excuses.  It's funny to reflect upon because quite honestly it's completely counterproductive and serves no good purpose.  And yet...time and time again we fall "victim" to our minds and irrational thoughts and behaviors that we let control us, ceding our control rather than realizing that WE make the decision to feel, act, or be a certain way not the other way around!

Having just finished the first chapter it ended with yet another great quote.  Reflecting on it all I feel more empowered and positive that I can "fix" my life now.  I have had a bit of a rough day and it's been full of stress, fretting and general negativity (including fighting with my other half and desperately worrying about being to get money together for an e-course that will help me establish my businesses and also aid in "fixing" my life).  It sapped my energy thinking and worrying and dealing with this negative energy so much that I actually became tired, like Dyer's example with his tantrum and the resulting stomachache I did something silly and physically paid the consequences for it!



...contemplate yourself being surrounded by the conditions you wish to produce...